My husband’s birthday and Valentine’s day is the same week. This year my best gift to him could not be bought. My gift to him was a sincere “I miss you.” It felt funny telling him “I miss you” when he was sitting right beside me. But it’s the truth. I miss my husband.
We wanted to have a baby. We planned for it. We tried for several months and were overjoyed when we were finally pregnant. We knew life would be different. We knew it would be an adjustment. Everyone warned us that finances, sleep, sex and our social life would change forever. We were ready- or at least as ready as we would ever be! But the one thing no one warned me about, the one thing I wasn’t ready for, is how much I miss my husband.
In some ways I feel closer to Mike than ever. After all we grew a life together and marvel over him every day. Mike’s new job coincided with J’s birth so we actually have time to spend together as a family. We eat dinner together. We have time to play Scrabble, Nintendo and Banangrams. We watch movies, go grocery shopping and attend church. We go on walks with the dogs. We’re quickly adjusting to life as a family. But I still miss my husband.
I miss looking him in the eye during dinner.
I miss finishing a conversation with him.
I miss our lazy morning snuggles.
I miss us.
I love watching our son play while we eat.
I love the burps and coos that interrupt our conversation.
I love our little monkey in the middle on a lazy Saturday morning.
I love us.
I really do love us. I love our new normal. But I miss the couple we were. I know we’ll never have that couple back again. I know we’ll spend date nights wondering if J’s having fun and late nights worrying if he’s ok. I know every decision we make will have J’s best interest in mind. I also know some day J will move out and we will have to readjust to us again. A very different us. But once again just us. And I know when that day comes I’ll miss my son.
So for now I’ll cherish every minute and love the family we’ve become. But let the record show, as happy as I am, as ready as I was- I miss my husband.