39 Weeks, 3 Days

39 weeks, 3 days.

The tides are changing and I feel the sand shifting beneath me.

39 weeks, 3 days.

Today marks the day J has grown as long outside the womb as he did within.

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Today I feel the shift, bittersweet. Caught between the tides. Still dependent and deeply intertwined, yet yearning for freedom and independence.

For 39 weeks, 3 days I carried him within, followed by months of carrying him in my arms. Yet lately, he yearns to get down, to crawl, to explore. His wrapping time is fading. I cherish the sleepy snuggles in my arm.

For 39 weeks, 3 days I nourished him within, followed by months of being his sole source of nourishment at my breast. Yet lately, he reaches for food, to chew, to swallow. His nursing is rushed and busy. I cherish our long, slow bedtime suckle.

For 39 weeks, 3 days I protected him within, followed by months of protecting him from everything. Yet lately, he crawls away, he climbs, he falls. His days are filled with living and learning. I cherish his quick return to my arms to kiss away the tears.

I’m learning to let go, to watch in amazement as he learns and explores. The tides are shifting. With each passing day, I feel it, I sense it, I know it. I know his dependence will remain for years to come but with each passing day he becomes a little more separate, a little more his own little person.

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39 weeks, 3 days.

Today for me marks the birth of independence. The beginning of a new, lifelong journey of growth, learning, and loving. It’s a joy and an honor to be so intertwined, so connected, yet simultaneously so separate, so independent. Such a joy and a miracle to be part of his growth and exploration. Such a joy and a blessing to be on this journey of motherhood.

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