Dear Heart and Soul: Remember Him Little

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Dear Heart and Soul,

I want to remember this forever. If I could pause time I would. These moments are passing so quickly. If I blink they’ll soon be gone. I want to remember these feelings. I want to remember it all.

I want to remember his toothless gums as they peck and search for me.

I want to remember his small, soft lips that curl around my breast.

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I want to remember his milk dripping smirk as he pauses to peek and play. I want to remember his noisy grunts and slurps as he drifts between nursing and games.

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I want to remember his drowsy smile that widens to a grin, widens to that sweet smile as his sleepy eyes meet mine. I want to remember his drowsy eyes after a long day of busy fun. I want to remember the way they look up at me, barely slits through his long eye lashes. I want to remember the every flutter as he struggles to keep his gaze on mine.

I want to remember his fist that rubs his ear and eye. The bright red marks, a sign of my tired boy. I want to remember his hand, softly caressing my skin, swooping circles on my chest. I want to remember the way he pats me. The way he brushes and plays. I want to remember how the motions slow and soften as he drifts in and out of sleep. I want to remember the feeling as his hand finally stills upon my breast. Yet his fingers keep patting, keep brushing, keep moving, it’s so hard for his little body to rest.

I want to remember forever how he fights to stay awake. He’s so busy and active and growing, sleep can seem to wait. Yet ever so gently we rock and rock and slowly he drifts and drifts. I want to remember forever the feeling as his body begins to still. The weight, the warmth, the snuggle as he melts softly against my chest. The final flutter of his lashes, the final finger brush, the last of his milk dripping smile until finally he stills. I want to remember the last little wiggle as he releases me from his mouth. I want to remember the way he lifts and turns to make a pillow of my breast.

I want to remember his skin so smooth and hair so soft upon my goodnight kiss. His restful hands, his puckered lips, his sweet angelic glow. I want to remember him little forever. I never want to forget. These feelings of love, a tangible bond, my heart as it swells and swells. I want to remember forever. I pray I never forget. I can’t pause time, so this must do. Dear heart and soul remember.

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Love,
Mama

 

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